Restlessly, I Fell for You
by heartsewnsleeve
Summary: "Stupid butterflies. They needed to die a slow painful death. Was it a sin to slay a butterfly?" BuffyxSpike.
1. Chapter 1

_This takes place around Season 5, after Riley leaving. It's a little AU. No further plot-lines have occurred yet. Some time passes after each chapter. Thanks for reading! *gives cupcake*_

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><p>I coughed as I walked through the cemetery. I had just done doing homework that I wanted to stake as bad as I wanted to stake demons. I always wondered if a demon invented calculus. It seemed pretty likely to me. I'd have to ask Giles someday.<p>

"Cut that smoking out. You're choking me with that horrible smell." I muttered to my beyond annoying companion as I coughed a little harder. Actually, Spike hadn't been that annoying lately; not like I'd ever admit that out loud. _As if._

I secretly enjoyed the fact that Spike was my new patrol companion. He seemed to be the only one who didn't give me pity looks over Riley. I felt as if he understood how I felt. In a weird way, it was comforting... _even if it was him._

"Well if I have to smell your fruity lavender smell than you can deal with the smell of my little vice." His eyes narrowed at me making his cheek bones even more prominent.

I resisted the urge of sticking out my tongue at him. Instead I crossed my eyebrows and made a menacing look. Before he could respond with his usual Spike snakiness response, I saw a vampire sneakily approaching Spike from behind.

"I am so not in the mood." I growled at the vampire, while I charged at him and whipped out my stake. _They just never learned, did they?_

I touched my cheek where it was scratched. When I charged the vampire, he tried to break free from my grasp and I ended up scratching it on an old cracked grave piece. That just only made me more angry.

"Don't worry love, I'm sure he's sorry bout' that... Especially now."

I wasn't sure if Spike was referencing me throwing the vampire into the mausoleum afterwards or my 30 second staking of him, but either way, I laughed.

"Ah, the Slayer laughs!" Spike gave me his usual mischievous grin.

"Shut up. I laugh all the time."'

"You used to."

His grin was gone as I turned to look at him. He didn't have that snide look about him. The one he got when he was stirring up trouble, or making a rude observation. No, he didn't look like that all. He actually looked _concerned_. Something inside of me stirred, but I couldn't pinpoint it.

I couldn't respond at first. It wasn't that I didn't want to, but what could I say? Every boy that I had sex with ended up leaving me broken. That Riley, _nice innocent Riley_ was no better than the others. That he cheated on me. Not even with women, but with prostitutes? That he was unhealthily jealous of Angel? Or most importantly: that he broke my heart? I was coming to the conclusion that I hated love more and more each day.

"I know. But I did tonight." I said, instead.

Spike's face for the quickest second made the most human caring face that I've ever seen on him. As soon as I caught it, it disappeared.

"Glad to hear it, Slayer. I don't think sending you a clown is quite in my budget." With that, we both strolled out of the cemetery.


	2. Chapter 2

"I look like hell." I groaned as I opened my compact. I had agreed to meet up with Willow and Tara for a girl's night after I was done patrolling. I tucked a spare outfit in my backpack, so Willow could pick me up right afterwards. I glanced at my watched. _Fifteen minutes._

I just got finished staking a pack of vampires. I probably would've look a lot less like a train-wreck if they weren't nearly 6'5; all 4 of them. Even Spike, who towered over me (_not as if everyone didn't tower over me already_) seemed small to them. I hated the fact that I was only 5'1. However, the wonderfulness of boots with heels let me be 5'5._ Plus, kicking butt in them was totally cardio and height lifting at the same time. _

"No, you don't. You look _beautiful_." I turned to see Spike standing behind looking over my shoulder. No reflection, of course. Sometimes, I was still startled not to see his reflection.

"Huh?" My eyebrows rose in confusion. Spike quickly turned from me, and lit a cigarette.

"I mean, beautiful for a Slayer. You're really such an ugly lot." I normally would've been insulted, but Spike's slight awkwardness seemed to make the insult mild.

I simply rolled my eyes, but not before punching him lightly in his arm. He was such _an_ annoying little freaking dork sometimes.


	3. Chapter 3

"Are you cold?" He looked at me quizzically.

" I feel like I'm getting frost bitten. I guess that's better than actually being bitten though, right?" His lips rose in a half grin.

"It depends on who's doing the biting." His tone indicating an entire different level of joking. His lips rising in a cocky smirk. _Gosh_. _I just wanted to wipe that stupid smirk off his face so badly sometimes._ I had no time to respond to his snarkiness, because a black leather trench was being around wrapped my body.

"Won't you be cold?" I piqued. Despite how bad I felt for taking his trench, I grasped it tighter around my body. The warmth of the jacket wasn't quite on the level of my parka, but it felt nice. _Really nice._ And it smelled like Spike, which was a nice smell. I wanted to stake my eyes out after I realized what I just thought. Sometimes, now as an example, I felt grateful that Dracula was the only vampire who could read minds. And even more grateful that he was dust. _Literally._

"I'm a vampire. I don't feel hot or cold. To be bloody honest, I just think the trench goes well with my eyes." I giggled and to my surprise, Spike's lip turned into a smile. A real smile. Over the past months we've gotten into a weird companionship. I still couldn't say friendship. _It was Spike, the peroxide brat prince, for gosh's sake._ But, it sort of was a friendship.

"Blue looks nicer with them." His eyes flashed weirdly for a second. But as always whenever he flashed a human emotion, it was gone. I didn't have a moment to think of what I just said, because a vampire ran towards me at that exact moment.


	4. Chapter 4

"You're Buffy, right?" The Bronze's music blasted throughout the room. A guy in his 30s with black hair had walked over to me. I refrained from rolling my eyes in his face. I wasn't sure if it was polyester shirt or pleather pants, but he was absolutely gross. The greasy over gelled hair and hair pepping from his shirt didn't help. _Gag_.

"Yep." My tone absolutely flat.

"I've seen you in a few times," This time I didn't refrain from rolling my eyes. "You have some really nice dance moves."

"Gee, thanks." I turned to opposite way so the creep would move. Of course as soon as I scooted to the other end, he decided to plop his weirdo butt next to me.

"That's a beautiful top you're wearing," he scooted a little closer. _Okay, I am going to pounce his face in without a doubt. _"I must say I'd love to see it on my floor and lick y-..." His sentence was cut off by a fist to his mouth.

Spike was rubbing his temple, but his usual look of pain wasn't there. Nope, Spike looked _really_ pissed. _Super duperly pissed._ I was a little pissed myself. Well for starters, I was going to punch the creep in his face at that exact moment. Not to mention that I just had gotten hit on by the creepiest human. _Ever_.

"I did-nn't know.." The guy scattered away clenching his bleeding nose. I snorted. He got off easy. I was going to slay him right where it hurt most. _That was one definite perk of my shortiness. _

He plopped next to me. I turned to face him. His eyes were a little narrowed from the pain that was erupting in his head. His trench grazing my bare shoulders. It had sort of become mine over the last few weeks. I had gotten in the habit of curling up in during our late night patrols.

"Hey," His eyes were so close to mine. I could see my reflection in them. I wondered if he could see his reflection in mine. "I would've happily whacked the freak, but thanks."

"Anytime, Buffy. Whenever you ne-"

"Buffy!" We both jumped as Willow shrieked my name. She looked worried. "Why did Spike just punch somebody in his face?" If Willow didn't look so confused or concerned, I'd be irritated by her interruption. I wanted to know what Spike was going to say. The weirdest part was that I didn't know why I needed or wanted to know so badly.

"Will, it's okay. Some freak-a-zoid was coming onto me, like perverted and grossly. And, Spike noticed so he intervened." I couldn't help the cocky grin that formed itself on my face. That guy so deserved a knuckle sandwich.

"Thank algebra's sake. I was worried." Willow's sigh of relief made me want to laugh. "Thanks, Spike. Hope your head isn't too sore." She made a pity pouty look towards Spike. Willow and Spike's relationship had gotten friendly. The whole fact that Spike couldn't eat her any longer made it a little easier, too. A part of me was kinda happy that they were friendly now.

"A jab of pain to the skull was worth it to backhand that arse." Willow and I both smiled at Spike. She gave me a weird look, like she was in on some joke I wasn't. I wanted to ask her what it meant, but figured I'd wait until later.

I noticed that Willow was eying Tara dancing alone on the dance floor.

"Hey, I'm okay. You can go on and dance. I'm fine, really." Willow shot me an are _"You are lying so I can dance with Tara face?"_. I shook my head no, and she gave me a hug before shimmying towards Tara.

I turned my gaze back to Spike.

"What were you saying, before Willow came over?"

"I forget."

I felt a jab of disappointment sting me. I wasn't so sure what was more startling; the fact that I felt so sad all of a sudden, or the fact that I wanted to know so badly. It was Spike, after all. Even if I started enjoying spending time with him, the way he smell, and his snarky British humor. _Ew, I need to stop myself. Now._

Then before I could demand that he tell me, he left. Stupid Spike. Super stupid sneaky sexy Spike. _Wait, did I just think sexy Spike? I really need a drink. Or twenty._


	5. Chapter 5

"What are you guys, _doing_?" I could not believe what my Mom and Spike were doing in my living room.

"Oh honey! Spike stopped by to get you to patrol, but you weren't here yet. I thought looking at photos would pass the time, while he was waiting for you." My mom's expression had oops all over it. _This was definitely beyond oops._

Spike was stretched out on my couch, while looking intently at polaroids of me taking my first bath. _Stake me now. Please? Pretty please?_

In front of him sprawled on the coffee table were photos of Dawn, Willow and I dressed up like the Spice Girls. Then dozens of miscellaneous photos of me over the years. _Oh god_. The one where I had to wear that horrible mohair sweater that my Dad got me which gave me hives was also on the table. _Yep, slowly this day was getting worse and worse._

I take back asking to be staked. I wanted to jump down a hole and die. Possibly also getting my named changed before I jumped down the hole.

Sitting next to Spike was Dawn, pointing out when and where the photos were taken. She obviously didn't understand the embarrassment of dressing up like Posh. I seriously was going to _kill_ Dawn. Little sisters were supposed to make their moms didn't show naked photos of them to their crushes. Or any cute guy for that matter. It was common sense, _duh_.

_Wait._

_Wait._

_Wait._

Of course, I did the most logical thing to do after making that_ horrible, horrible, horrible_ realization.

"I feel sick."

I squeaked then I ran out of the room as fast as I could. I felt the vomit coming before I even knew I felt sick. I was leaning over my toilet. After I cleaned up some, I retreated back to my bedroom.

I just vomited and I'm pretty sure Spike heard me with his super vampire hearing. _Naked baby photos, embarrassing meant to be hidden photos, and now vomitting._ I was really making a lovely impression. I should start buying cats, and stocking up on TV dinners.

I collapsed on my bed, and squeezed a pillow to my chest.

I did **_not_** like Spike.

Though his eyes when he smiled did shine really prettily. And those beautiful cheek bones. The way he seemed fragile at times, but was this strong guy. Not to mention his chest was pretty nice. I had seen him shirtless the other night when a demon clawed his shirt. Plus, he could keep up with me. He even saved me a few times, so that meant he could protect me.

And he had a pretty sweet relationship with my mom and sister. That was definitely a bonus. It only made him more adorable.

Then there was that other aspect. I was pretty sure that he wouldn't lose his soul, or turn crazy jealous while getting an addiction to prostitutes. Though, I didn't have the best track record. _Hmm_. I'd sure like to see, before making a judgment.

_Buffy, you're disgusting._

I hit myself in the head with the pillow.

Oh, god. This really _sucks_. And somehow I was digging myself deeper and deeper. I now had a new reason to find Spike annoying, because deep down, I didn't really find him annoying at all.

A knock on my door broke me out of my little crushing on a peroxided prat reverie.

"Come in," I mumbled. I figured it was my mom checking me. I

But it wasn't my mom. _Does he ever go away?_

He shut the door lightly behind him. He strolled in front of me, and bended to look at my face like a doctor.

"Are you okay? You seemed a little off when you came in." _Yes, I am very off because I can't stop imagining you without your shirt off._ "Then I heard you get ill. Do you have a fever?"

Spike sat next to me on my bed. We've never been so close. Well we have been, but this seemed so new. We were in my room. _On my bed._ The door was shut. I felt my stomach tingle.

Stupid butterflies. They needed to die a slow painful death. Was it a sin to slay a butterfly?

I groaned as my stomach tingled again. Okay, this time not butterflies. More like I'm going to need to get drunk on flu medicine type of tingle. I wasn't decided yet on which was one was worse. I was leaning towards the Spike butterflies that needed to be spiked. _Hard and violently._

He placed his hand to my head. I closed my eyes. I felt his fingers slightly caress my forehead, but before I could let the smile that I was fighting to retain could show, he took his hand away.

"You have a slight fever. You need to sleep, or you'll get sicker," I went to protest as to who'll patrol. He already knew what I was going to say. "Don't worry love, I'll do it." He stood up and to my surprise, he pulled my comforter on top of me.

I never seen Spike be so sweet. It was nice. I was seeing it more and more. The more nights we spent together, it was showing. Of course, he was still irritating and cocky Spike _(as if that'd ever change)_, but there was something else there now too. I like d it. A lot.

As I curled up in a ball, Spike began crossing the room to leave. As he turned the knob, he turned back to me.

"By the way, you were a lovely kid. And you make a very sexy Posh." He winked at me, and made a biting motion with his lips before leaving.

_Slay me now._


	6. Chapter 6

"I think we got the night off." I blew out a sigh of disappointment. We'd been walking around the cemetery and Sunnydale for almost three hours, and not one vampire in sight. "It looks like the walking dead... is _really_ dead tonight."

Spike cast me a grinning look, as I walked slowly behind him. I breathed out a defeated sigh. I was hoping for vampires, because more vampires _equaled_ more time spent with Spike. _Don't judge me._

I had let Willow know about my feelings the other day. We were up one night watching Pretty in Pink when it sorta slipped out. Willow was way understanding, _of course._ A little bit startled, but she sorta had figured it out over the past few two weeks. The fact that I had stopped using him as a punching bag and wearing my_ "sexy pants"_ for patrolling gave it away. I apologized for not telling her immediately, but suddenly having the hots for your undead once upon a time arch nemesis gives you a leeway pass. Though, the whole _"Maybe, I feel this way because of a side effect of Nyquil?"_ theory did make her laugh for _hours_. It made sense to me. _Hmph_.

"There still may be some late risers," he responded. He crushed his cigarette under his heel. I couldn't help noticing his lips. I had hoped that maybe when I finally admitted that I liked him _(The entire "It was a symptom of having the flu" theory didn't work too well; pretty sure Willow is **still** laughing at that)_ that maybe it'd be a little easier to focus. Nope. _Curse his stupid ridiculously attractiveness._ "We can drive for a bit and see if we see any strollin' about town before calling it a night."

I watched as his arms flexed as he stretched them above his head. I kicked a rock to distract me from the sight. _Couldn't he just wear a long sleeved muumuu?_

"Sounds fantastic-y! Let's do it!" He gave me a funny look. I wasn't sure how to act around him anymore. I had gotten okay with not hating him, but he still got on my nerves. The entire _friend that I can and always want to punch_ was something I understood. But having feelings about Spike made me feel confused. Like, more confused than math class.

I wanted to slap myself in the head after hearing my weird voice tone.

I decided to just keep my big mouth shut as we walked to his car. Having him think I was brooding silently was better than looking like a pint sized doofus.

He opened the car door for me, before I could reach it. I would've normally given the guy that I liked who opened the door for me, a sassy flirty grin. But this was Spike. He just wasn't _any_ guy. _Seriously, can I sound anymore high-school?_

Instead, I bit my lip at him and gave him a little grin.

He slipped in quickly next to me. I debated whether to say thank you or not. Was that corny? Would he think that was corny? It sure felt it_. Gosh, I am an idiot. Apparently I can slay vampire as good as my chances at a date. Negative ten points for Buffy._

And wait a second. Since when the heck did Spike open doors? I guess me not beating him up made him feel entitled to open doors for me. _Fair trade_, after all.

He hit the gas. I wondered if he'd notice if I turned off his way over-played CD, and put on the actual radio. A song without the words of "queen" or "anarchist" would be nice for a change.

Spike hated when other people radio DJ-ed. Xander had gone patrolling with us one night, and made the decision to "change the beats". Spike told him that if he touched it again, he'd push Xander out of the car. Of course, that lead to an unbearably head splitting argument that I was forced to break up. _Absolute migraine._ But now it was common knowledge that nobody came between Spike and Sid Vicious.

I contemplated for a split second, then decided that arguing with Spike was worth it if I didn't have to listen to _impossible to understand British screaming banter_. The Sex Pistols made me want to put a pistol to my head.

Eiffel 65's _'Blue'_ song began to echo throughout the car. Spike turned to me with a menacing look, but instead of remarking, simply shook his head and went back to looking straight ahead.

"Why aren't you arguing about me changing the station?"

"Why would I?" He casted me a sideways look. The tone of amusement and confusion was obvious in his voice.

"You argued with Xander." He laughed lightly. I smiled at hearing it. It wasn't his usual, I am _snarlier than thou laugh_, but his sweet nice laugh. I didn't hear it too often but when I did, I cherished it.

"Xander isn't you."

"Oh..." I closed my mouth. I couldn't think of the right words to say. It was on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't form it properly.

Instead I did something that I didn't except myself to and something I've been thinking of for weeks. I grasped his free hand. He shot me an eyed wide look, but grasped it back. Then slowly, his fingers rubbed my knuckles, but he didn't let go.

We drove around all night with our hands interlocked.


	7. Chapter 7

"Why is she talking to him?" I noticed a small, really pretty brunette chatting up Spike. She was wearing the _most_ _ridiculous_ outfit in the _entire_ world. A neon yellow cropped top, sparkly mini skirt with blue fishnets and a pair of weird space cadet looking pumps. A Cyndi Lauper impersonator on drugs.

Spike had went up to the bar to get me something to drink. He was going to surprise me. We hadn't came together _exactly_. I mentioned that I might be here tonight when we were patrolling the other night. He simply winked at me, and said he might be here tonight too. It was _kinda_ like a date. Well at least that's how I interpreted it.

"She is most likely looking for someone to have intercourse with. Her face is also looking at Spike like a piece of sexual meat." Willow, Tara and I all looked at Anya as if she were crazy. You'd think we'd be used to it by now. Xander was too disgusted by the idea of Spike being a piece of sexual meat to shoot Anya a look.

"Thank you for that imagery, Anya. It was the perfect way to top off my milkshake." Xander made a repulsed facial movement with his tongue.

Willow gave Anya a disciplined look then slowly Anya's face turned to guilty and sympathetic. Tara simply shook her head and shot me a sorry look. Times like this were when I was beyond grateful for Tara's quiet understanding personality.

"Oh, Buffy..." I sighed. I wasn't mad at Anya. It wasn't her fault that she was a 1100 year old ex-demon who didn't understand the whole concept of a mental filter. "She has extremely tacky clothing, and her butt is very square."

"What's wrong with her clothes? Or her butt?" Xander said, while obviously looking at the girl's weird butt _(mine was so much nicer)_. All of us, including Anya, gave him a look this time. "Sorry, sorry. I meant what's our beef with her?"

"Honey, she's obviously trying to seduce Spike. She's a crypt wrecker. We hate her." I smiled at Anya. She wasn't like most girls' best friends, but she was loyal... you know, when she _finally_ understood the situation.

Willow, Tara, and Anya were all aware of _my "thing"_ with Spike. Willow of course knew _all_ of the details; best friend territory and all. Tara and Anya knew the basics and the cheesy details. I finally spilled to Tara and Anya during our monthly sleepover tradition that we started years ago. The entire "sexy-pants" thing didn't help them from noticing either.

Tara had been really understanding and sweet about it. Anya, on the other hand had been aware of this she responded. She saw a segment on sexual tension on Oprah before, and had diagnosed Spike and I quite a few months ago. Thanks, Anya. Every time we had a girl's night sleepover it was now common for all three of them to sing _"Spike and Buffy S L A Y I N G in a cemetery, first comes vampires then comes off clothing then comes a fanger in a baby carriage!"._

Trying to get Xander to accept it hadn't been quite so easy. Actually, it was impossible to get Xander to accept it. I had subtly hinted it to him over coffee one day.

"What if hypothetically I got together with Spike, what would you do?" Xander choked on his coffee. _Literally_. I had to seriously pat his back.

"If you got together with Spike, I'd spike something pointy through my eyes then check the Hellmouth to make sure the world was ending. If it wasn't, I'd check you into a mental rehabilitation center." _End of conversation._

It hadn't got much easier. I was sort of pissy at Xander for being so ridiculous about it. Anya used to torture, kill and did I mention avenge people? She was a demon! 1100 years old at that. I totally accepted her. Heck, I even considered her one of my best friends. The least Xander could do was try and be supportive. Fake it if necessary.

The best I could do was to get Xander to stop insulting him every other sentence. Now it was every paragraph instead._ An improvement though, right? _I knew Spike wasn't always an exactly good guy, but he had changed. __He really did.__

Ever since that night we drove the entire night almost near to dawn holding hands, our relationship (_still felt freaky to think of the R word with him_) had done a 360. It'd only been two weeks, but he still hadn't made the move to kiss me. Whenever we'd patrol, he'd grab my hand and we'd stroll up and down with our hands intertwined. If I shivered, he'd put his arm around me. We'd talk for hours, and he actually listened to me. It was a nice feeling. It made me happy in a way that I never felt before. I wanted to last awhile, maybe forever or at least as close to forever as it could.

But he still _didn't_ make the move to kiss me.

Or tell me where this was going and what it exactly meant.

To say it was a little frustrating was a _way big_ understatement. Except this little kooky perky brunette was getting all my frustration at the moment. I wasn't sure which was more frustrating the fact that she was doing it, or the fact that Spike wasn't pushing her away. A part of me was starting to feel a little hurt. Maybe, a little more than hurt.

Except that feeling of hurtfulness slowly disappeared into pure pissed off anger. She stretched and winked at him. The amount of cleavage she was showing was disgusting. The girl rubbed her arm up his bicep flirtatiously.

Xander like the older protective brother he was began to shoot Spike daggers with his eyes. Willow, and Tara were eying me worriedly while throwing dirty sideways looks at Spike and the girl at the bar. Anya didn't hide her dirty looks, and simply made a pissed off look at the girl. _That'a girl._

This girl was going to becoming best friends with my 6.5 sized wedge in about two minutes. Who does that to a guy she just meant? _Really, where did she get off?_ I was _his_ girlfriend who just happened to be sitting a few seats away.

Then it hit me. _Hard_. Really Hard.

I wasn't Spike's girlfriend.

"I need some air." I shuffled out of the Bronze's backdoor in the far back so fast that I was afraid that someone would notice my abnormal speed. I knew they'd be chasing out after me. I felt guilty for making them worry about me. I didn't want to act like an angsty heartbroken teen girl, but I just needed to get away.

I breathed in the nice crisp night air. I needed to kill something. Like _now_. I remembered the Buffy who sexily danced with Xander _(Willow **still** didn't forget that)_ to make Angel jealous. I remembered the Buffy who would get even and not run away. I never let anyone besides Willow, Dawn, and my Mom see me cry over Angel. There were tears shed in front of Giles and Xander, but I never let him see how heart-broken I truly was. That was how the old strong Buffy did things.

But, I wasn't her anymore.

I didn't know who I was anymore, sometimes. So much had changed, everything was changing everyday. It seemed like every time I got a little closer to happiness something destroyed it. I shook my head, and closed my eyes as the cold air hit me once again.

"Buff?" Xander was walking to me. Something about concerned he looked made me want to jump into his arms and give him a tight squeeze. Of course, that'd probably lead to a few broken ribs. _Stupid Slayer strength._

"I'm fine. I just needed some air." Xander casted me one of his infamous looks that he got whenever I was shrugging something off.

"Buffy, you don't need to lie to me."

"I know I don't. I just don't feel like talking tonight," Xander shot me another look. _Did my friends take Look Casting 101?_ "I just wanted to have a good time tonight." _But I can't because I want to violently spike Spike and extra violently spike that skank talking him up. _

"We don't have to talk." Xander casted me another look. _Geez, louise with these friggen looks._

"Where's the rest of the gang?" Change of subject. _Thank Thy Stakeness._

"They're waiting at the car. Though, I wouldn't doubt if it Anya is cutting tires, right about now. That's my girl." I laughed.

Xander wrapped his arm around my shoulder, and gave me a hug. I smiled up at him. Xander hugs were the _best_. Though, Giles was the best hugger in_ all of_ history. After a moment of composing myself, we started walking towards the parking lot.

"I don't want you guys to go home because I'm all bad mood-y." The guilt was quickly piling up.

"We're not."

"Then where are we going?"

"To get ice-cream." Maybe, it wasn't such a bad night after-all. A night with my best friends and ice cream could cure any woes. Except, a good punch or two to a particular someone's face would've been nice._ Just saying._


	8. Chapter 8

"He's a stupid jerk-y jerk. The biggest jerk in all of jerk history." Willow and I were curled up on my couch watching 10 Things I Hate About You. In between us was an enormous bowl of popcorn, and a gallon of cookie dough ice-cream with two large spoons. There really was _no better_ pain coping method. My favorite sushi pajamas, cuddling with Mr. Gordo, and best friend ranting was also part of the pain coping plan. So far, it was a _success._

"The girl is just fine and happy. All of a sudden your snarky irking banter stops getting under her skin..._ as much_. Then, the girl starts liking you and having feeling, then just like that you break her heart. Just like _poof_." Suddenly, my cookie dough tasted more like Play-doh than yummy tastiness. _I really hate guys._

"Buff..." Willow shot me a sympathetic look, and pulled me in for a hug. _I loved her so much._ It was times like this when I was reminded how much she meant to me. _How many people really have a best friend as awesome as Willow?_ "You know you could try talking to him about it. Avoiding him isn't going to help you, or make this yucky feeling go away."

"I know. I just wish I didn't feel this way."

"Pretending he isn't alive isn't going to help."

"Well, _technically..._" Willow poked me in the side before I could finish. The poke hurt way more than Willow intended. I had a nasty bruise on my rib from a pair of freaky triplet demons last night.

I was slaying solo once again. _Well_... more like I was avoiding Spike at all possible costs. Avoiding Spike was like trying to make Giles buy a set of sneakers. _Trust me. I still have horror flashbacks of that experience._

I made up a new a patrolling technique. I had Xander and Spike patrol near downtown, while Willow and I patrolled near the campus and cemetery. It would've been perfect, except without Spike, I was getting pounced on more often. Willow's magic helped a little bit, but hurling little tiny rocks didn't help much with 500 pound triplet demons. I _refused_ to ask Spike for help. Instead, I just went old school and maybe broke an arson law. _Fire is a girl's best friend after-all._

The amount of times that Spike attempted to speak to me was plain ridiculous. If it weren't for Willow, Xander, Tara and Anya, I probably would've staked his freaky pale flesh by now._ It still sounded like a nice idea to me._ The thought of staking Spike was pretty common, since last Saturday at the Bronze. He **never** even apologized. Nope. _I guess the neon nympho satisfied his urges._

"Why don't you just say, 'Hey, I like you and I thought you liked me. Why did you act like a nincompoop?' and then everything will be all flowers and daisies again." I laughed, and rested my head on Willow's shoulders. _I really have to borrow those earring sometimes._

"Will, I don't think it's that easy. All I want to do is punch him hard in the face. Multiple times. Preferably with a strong object, maybe a shovel?" She threw a piece of popcorn at my face.

"Violence isn't going to get you anywhere." _Uh oh, there goes the Mom face_. A punch to the face wasn't even _that_ bad. It was way nicer than what I thought about doing to him. Anya suggested calling up one of her old vengeance demons to teach him a lesson or two. A punch was _way better_ than that. "Let's change the subject because this is Willow and Buffy night, and that means best friend time. "

"You're right. Maybe, we can play a game?" Willow's face lit up at my suggestion.

"Yeah, like charades! Charades makes everyone feel a little bit better. Doesn't Dawnie have a bunch of corny ones?" Willow hopped from the couch. Her polka dot pajama pants were rumpled when she stood up.

"I was thinking more along the lines of Stake the Spike," Willow made a pouty motion with her lip. "Stake the Spike, before the time runs out!" I made a staking motion towards her. She tried to make a scolding face, but ended up cracking up. We both started clenching our stomaches, and making staking motions towards one another.

The doorbell broke us out of her laughing fest.

"Do you want me to get it?" Willow asked, as she curled back into her position and ogled at Heath Ledger. Even if she was into a different autonomy, Willow still could appreciate the hotness of Heath Ledger. _Really, who couldn't?_

"No, it's okay. It's probably my Mom and Dawnie coming back with the pizza. I'll get it." I scrambled to open the door. Except, those eyes didn't belong to my mother or Dawnie.

_Pissed off Buffy just made a comeback._

"What do you want?" At least, I was mature and didn't shut the door on his face. _Self control, Buffy. Self control._

"I want to talk to you." _Just great. Friggen great._

"I'm busy."_ Obviously, you didn't want to talk before because you were too busy playing ogle boob doctor with the Cyndi-Loopy girl. Or do you suddenly have amnesia?_

"I can see how busy you are." His eyes scanned my pajamas. Why did I always wear my favorite sushi pajamas at the wort possible times?_ Ugh. At least, I didn't have Hulk face from facial mask, so it could be worse._

"Super-ly busy. Bye." _Don't kick or punch him. Resist the urge. Beating him up is bad. Bad Buffy. Think happy thoughts. Mr. Gordo and cookie dough. Lots, and lots of Ben and Jerry's cookie dough._

Of course, he put his stupid ugly combat boot in between the door. He somehow managed to get even more annoying. _How the hell was that even possible?_

"Buffy, do you need help with the pizza?" Willow scattered behind me. Her eyes popped at seeing Spike on my doorstep. He never bothered to step beyond my doorway. He was just standing there. He didn't have his coat on or a cigarette in his hand. He was in a raggedy black sweater, black jeans, and his infamous combat boots.

He'd look good, you know if he _wasn't_ an ugly brat face.

"Oh, hey Spike." He nodded towards Willow in a greeting sorta way. It was Spike's equivalent of a handshake. "What'cha doing here?" Willow's nervousness and confusion was obvious.

"I just wanted to speak to Buffy."

"Sorry, Spike. Willow and I are having a girl's night so no can-do." I went to shut the door, but he put his foot in the door-way. Again. My patience was _officially_ beyond being tested. His foot would look a better broken.

"It's okay, Buffy. I got to... Ummm, I got to do my physics homework, so I'll do that while you two talk. And, hey, look there's Dawnie and your Mom now! I'll help them while you guys go for a walk or something." _Traitor_. Willow ran out of the door towards them, before I could even argue.

I gave Spike the dirtiest look that I could manage. If he noticed, he pretended to ignore it because his face didn't change at all.

"Fine. Let me grab my coat, and a pair of shoes." It was going to be a long night. A really long night. Or a short night. _You know_, depending on how fast I could beat Spike to a living pulp.


	9. Chapter 9

_Sorry, guys for the late update! I've been on busy and sickly little toaster! I'm officially flu recovered, and currently rocking a 99 in Latin! Woo-hoo!_

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><p>I huffed as I walked out the door. I was <em>not<em> feeling like happy giggly Buffy at all. _Nope_. Instead, I felt like Psycho Buffy, who's dying to punch Spike in his non-stop smirking face. _Way to kill my Heath Ledger induced butterflies_. We started walking in the direction of the park. It was only a short distance from my house to the park. It didn't matter if it was short or not, I wasn't exactly happy about it.

We walked in silence for almost five minutes before he spoke. We were in the playground. It was weird walking with Spike again. It was sorta instinctive now for me to grab onto him when we walked. I wanted to grab his arm, and lay my head on his shoulder, while we walked.

But a bigger part of me wanted to punch his face in. _Hmpfh._

He stopped walking, and stood still. He turned to look at me. His blue eyes staring deep into mine.

"You've been avoiding me." His eyes down-casted and he looked at me with... _almost_ hurt on his face. That same part that twitched for him wanted me to hug him. The rational side said that he deserved to grovel and be sad. _The rationalness won._

"What gives you that impression?" I put my hand on my hip. Be calm. Arguments never lead to anything productive. _Giles, would be proud._ However, a good punch to the eye was productive if you ask me.

Spike snorted in my face. He reached for a cigarette in his pocket, and lit it. I wanted so badly to rip his cigarette away, and crush it with my sneakers. _It would serve him right after-all._

"You've been making me patrol with Mister Meathead who can't dress himself, all week," He got closer to my face. I remained still. A part of me that had been so angry for a week felt a jab when I saw the look on his face. "You run when you see me. You never even avoided me this much when I wanted your death on my dinner plate." He went to grab my hands, but I shrugged him off me. He gave me a perplexed look.

He backed away from me, and looked at me.

"How can you do this? You act like there's nothing between us. It's like you forgotten everything. I'm burning for you Slayer, and you're treating me like an old rotten newspaper that belongs in the rubbish." That jab I felt suddenly felt a lot different. A _whole_ lot different.

"You cannot be serious." He looked at me like I was crazy. "I've forgotten? What type of chemicals are laying around that grungy crypt of yours?"

He shot me a huffy look, and muttered that his crypt was not grungy. But, my death-stare silenced him.

"You have no right to preach to me about forgetting. You're the one that was running around with Little Miss Mismatch at the Bronze! You embarrassed me in front of everyone." All my frustrations were building up on one another at one time. I felt like I was going to combust at any second.

"You're mad at me because I embarrassed you in front of your little Scooby Gang?" His eyebrows scrunched together. _Do you not speak English, you stupid freaking bloody British vampire?_

"No. I'm mad because you're supposed to be different. I'm mad because you were supposed to be with me, and instead you trampled around with some freaky dressed bimbo," I sighed frustratedly. "You didn't even care."

He moved closer to me.

"I do care."

"Yeah, really? Then why would you do that?" He moved a little closer towards me. I could see his face perfectly in the moonlight's reflection on it. I closed my eyes for a second to gather my thoughts.

"To see if you cared too." I looked up in his eyes, and I felt like I was seeing a different person. A part of me was still so angry, but somehow whatever I was seeing in those eyes calmed me down.

"You know, I do."

"How?" He was so close to me. If I thought I was emotionally confused earlier - I was emotionally impaired at the moment.

"Like this." Then I crashed my lips to his.


	10. Chapter 10

"Did you guys have a nice patrol?" My mom yelled from the kitchen. Oh, boy did we have a nice walk.

Willow, slightly popped her head up from behind her laptop and winked. _Subtle_. I did a subtle eyebrow motion, and Willow smiled. She casted me a _"Better tell me everything ASAP"_ look before Dawn called her away to the kitchen. From the smell of it, they were making our famous "Summers" home-made cookies. _Yum_.

"Oh, definitely." I looked at Spike. His eyes gleamed mischievous. I raised my lips in a slight smirk.

"Best walk I've had in a long while." I felt his hands graze my back as I hung up my coat. I shot him a look, but my lips curved into a smile. His did too.

"Spike, do you want to stay for dinner?" My mom asked as she walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. Quickly, her eyebrows knitted together. "Oh wait, how rude of me. I forgot about... _you know_."

Spike laughed.

"I don't wanna be a prat, and interrupt your ladies' night. I'll take you up next time. You know my fondness of your cookies."

My mother laughed, and patted his shoulder.

"Oh, alright." She huffed, and then gave him one of those mother smiles. She forgot to say good-bye, because Dawn's screams about the cookies burning, startled her.

"Guess, I should get goin'." He turned closer to me, and I resisted the urge to kiss him from where I stood. I still wasn't sure where we stood, _but gosh_, wherever we stood made me feel good. _Really good_.

"I'll walk you out." He looked at me, and the mischievousness in his eye was dimming. He knew I was going to bring up the kiss.

That wonderful, beautiful, knee-jerking kiss. If kisses could kill, I'd probably would've die within seconds. _His lips were like Harry Potter magical._ Neither one of us addressed it, except for smiling and the wide eyed look we both shared after we broke apart. We walked in silence all the way back home, and I kept my hand in his back pocket while he kept his arms wrapped around me.

The only time we broke apart was when we walked through my front door.

I lead the way out of the front door, and I motioned to my steps. We both sat down next to one another. My body was slightly leaning on him.

The funny part is even before I liked Spike, in any form, I always considered this my "Spike" spot. We'd sit here and argue about patrolling techniques for hours. Or I'd explain why he was so annoying. Now we were assessing our relationship._ Oh, how times changed._ The irony made me want to laugh.

I breathed in, and out. _Here goes nothing._

"I like you. I've liked you for awhile. God, I _really_ liked you." His eyes flickered with a little bit of surprise. I reached for his hand. He grasped it back. "That kiss was everything I wanted."

"I don't know what we are. I know that I want to be with you," He looked at me with this sweetness in his face. "I really do. It's confusing, but I don't care. And I want it to work. So if you feel like I feel, let's try this... slow, though." I breathed out. _Well not too slow, because I do have hormones. And boy, do you mess up my hormones._

"You don't know how long I've been itching and dreaming to hear those words, Buff." I smiled, then rested my head on his shoulder. His fingers brushed my hair gently.

I moved my lips up to his ear slowly and whispered, "By the way, I'll never forget that kiss. _Not ever_." and grazed my lips near his ear.

He grinned cockily. We both got up from the steps, and stood to face one another.

"Night, luv'." He placed a kiss on my cheek, before fading away into the darkness. I casted one last look towards him before shutting the door.

As I stepped inside, I realized that for the first time in awhile, I felt different. I just felt _happy_. A genuine happy. I peeked in to see Willow, my mom and Dawnie all laughing over the cookies. It made me feel _something _deep down. Something, I forgot that I still had.

I went upstairs to my bedroom and laid on my bed. I still felt like I was in my daze, until I felt a body crushing me. It was Willow with flour on her nose.

"Details, _now_." I busted out in a large grin.

"Where should I start?" We both giggled. I didn't care if I sounded like a sophomore in high-school once again. I wasn't the Slayer tonight. I was just Buffy, giggling with her best friend over a guy. It was something that I missed and wasn't going to pass up.


	11. Funny Deleted Tidbit

This is a little tidbit featuring the girl mentioned in Chapter 7. This is after Chapter 10. I was never going to post this originally, but decided that it might get some laughs to know about her. Enjoy! :-).

I'm also back to updating weekly. Thank you everyone for your reviews, and kindness! *gives cupcakes*

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><p>"Why did you talk to her in the first place?" I was sitting in Spike's crypt with him. Well more like, I was laying my head on Spike's lap, while lounging on the couch while he watched a <em>Passions<em> marathon. And shouted obscenities at the television, because some new plot was upsetting him.

Yep. Absolutely _unbelievable_. Spike was obsessed with a show called Passions. So was my mother. She and him had a weekly recap and discussion on it.

"To who?" He looked down at me confused, and stopped playing with my hair.

"That girl at the Bronze." I sighed and rolled my eyes. "You know, the really pretty one? The one you tried to make me jealous with." I might've admitted it once, but no way was I admitting my jealousy _again_. Stubbornness was one of my many great qualities, or you know, bad qualities depending on how much trouble I'm in with Giles at the moment.

Suddenly, Spike started howling with laughter. It was one of those cocky, and genuine hearty laughs. I got off his lap, and stood up.

"What's so funny?" I crossed my arms at him.

"Pet, that wasn't a girl. That was Bobby."

"Bobby?" This officially was more disturbing than I ever thought. He chose an insane cross dressing man who had an obsession with Cyndi Lauper and unattractive women's clothing to make me jealous. _Oh my god._ My lips turned into a horrified expression.

Spike's eyebrows turned together after seeing my reaction. All of a sudden, he made an equally disgusted face.

"No! None of what you're thinking, luv'! Bobby's a demon. He can switch from male to female in human form. It depends on what type of job he can attract. He was showing me how his merchandise rendered cause' I ran into him that night. Not too bad if you ask me."

Slowly, I said "_Oh_." but then I started laughing. Laughing so ridiculously hard that even Spike started laughing. This was definitely going onto of my lists of things that _could_ and _would_ only happen to _me_.

I stopped laughing eventually, and curled back into my prior position. Spike went back to petting my hair.

"I feel pretty bad for Bobby."

"Why?" I said absentmindedly, because I was distracted by the new Dawson's Creek promo.

"That night he ran into me, seems like someone slashed his tires and threw some little peebles through his windows. Destroyed his hatchback car on him."

_That's my girls._


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